four days without a phone

The Original LG - Tough Times

I lost my phone four days ago. I left it in an Uber in Paris on the way to the airport and have now been living four days completely without a phone. Since it has been quite destabilizing I wanted to ramble on what has come up for me during this experience – and in case you’re wondering, no I still do not have a phone, lol.

It has been a strange and eye-opening experience. From my complete helplessness in being able to get it back (it was either getting on my flight or trying to find the phone), to having to surrender to being without it, to losing communication with the outside world (emails have been my main form of communication), and then dealing with how to get a new phone without having a phone to make phone calls with — it has been a serious practice in surrender and patience.

You don’t realize how much you rely on something until you do not have it, and our phones pretty much contain our lives nowadays.

On top of that, I was sick on my flight back from Paris with a cold and felt depleted when I got home. Then on Saturday I woke up with terrible cramps and got my period. It has felt like one thing after another!

I have felt disoriented and unsure of what to do with myself. Which made me realize: we truly are addicted to our phones. I have not thought of myself as a very phone dependent person, but this experience made me realize how real the addiction is.

I feel like I have gone through stages of withdrawal these past few days: it started with shock and disbelief, then anger and frustration, followed by sadness and isolation, and now finally release.

Friday and Saturday were the worst, but today I woke up and thought: well I have to go on without it.

I went out and did all the things I normally “needed” my phone to do. I went on a hike in complete silence, I drove around LA without google maps, picked up my boyfriend for lunch at the exact time we had agreed upon (no little timing changes or running late), read my New Yorker Magazine when I got a pedicure, took chances by going to places without knowing if they were open or not (and surprise - the library was closed) and then adjusting.

It has been strange, and I do feel like I am missing out in some weird way and was scared as a female doing things alone without any way of being able to reach out to someone if something went wrong, but after pushing through these discomforts, I am seeing the gift in it.

The freedom and space it has given me is lovely. I am not constantly bombarded by messages all throughout my day. When I am with someone, I give them my full attention, having nothing to pull at my thoughts or check on even for a second. When I am out and about, I am fully present. When I am at my apartment I have done things that are more introspective and nourishing - I have read interesting articles, read more of my books, and journaled each day. I have gone to sleep MUCH earlier each night. And I overall just feel calmer.

The Power of Sharing

The Power of Sharing

I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has read my blog and started following my journey this year. In the past I had been so afraid to tell anyone about my issues or share what I was going through. I kept trying to keep it locked up inside which made me feel stifled and frustrated.

I first started writing this blog in secret – only telling my mom and cousin about it. Slowly my confidence and readership started growing, and I began to feel a sense of joy in writing.

I never imagined the healing that writing about my eating disorder and mental health struggles would bring me. Being honest and expressing my thoughts has been extremely cathartic and gratifying. I have a better understanding of who I am and what I am capable of, I can speak up for myself and set appropriate boundaries, and have improved difficult relationships from my past by being in a better place myself.

If you have anything you’re ashamed of or scared to share, try finding ways of letting it out and sharing in a safe way. Whether that is journaling, finding a mental health professional you can speak with, or confiding in someone that you know truly loves you, do it.

The way to break these stigmas is to be able to talk about them openly, and the power that sharing brings you is incredible. Just make sure it is with someone who is worthy of hearing your story.

Thank you to all of you who have been open, supportive and generous for listening to my story.

I am going to be starting a series where I allow people to share their ED stories here on my blog. You can share your name or simply share your initials with your story, the way I did at first with LG 🙂 More details soon to come! 

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas to everyone!



Morning Routine

Morning Matcha

A calm, centered morning changes the entire course of your day. The past few months I have been committed to a daily morning routine and it is amazing to see the difference in how calm, grounded and at peace I am. I have been so positive and productive and just letting life flow. 

Things are happening without all the stress and anxiety of the past. My life has changed with a simple shift in being committed to a morning routine. You will see that it is quite extensive but for me it is SO worth it to wake up extra early to start my day with these wonderful practices.

Here’s what I’ve been doing:

  • Meditation: First thing when I wake up for about 15-20 minutes, I tune into my breathe and check in with how I am feeling. I don’t follow any fancy meditation practice and don’t even listen to an app, I just set a timer and focus on breathing and really feeling present in my body. At the end I set an intention for the day.

  • Gratitude: I take a moment to say thank you for all of the things I have, my health and this new day. We have so much to be grateful for and it is a wonderful way to start the day remembering the positive things we have in our lives.

  • Matcha: Probably my favorite part! I turn on the tea kettle and start making my matcha and take my vitamins. You can find my matcha recipe in a previous blog post here.

    Note: At this point I still have not even looked at my phone - reducing our screen and technology time is huge for tuning into you and being calm and centered.

  • Tarot: Once my matcha is ready I connect with my intuition and pick a tarot card. I shuffle the cards and ask the question: “Universe/Angels what do you want me to know today?” Then I let my intuition guide me as to which card I should choose. I love this moment of connecting to my inner guide and seeing what message the universe has for me on this day.

  • Journal: Lastly I journal while I drink my matcha. I love writing and journaling first thing in the morning to see whats coming up for me and to get things out. It is an incredible way to clear my mind and have a better understanding of what I am feeling and where I am at that morning. I don’t have a specific prompt that I use - just starting to write stream of consciousness and see where it takes me. I usually write about 3-4 pages. I have modeled it after Morning Pages from The Artist Way.

I know that’s a lot, but like I said earlier, the space it puts me in for the entire day is SO worth it to me. It has made the biggest difference in feeling my best each day. Wishing everyone happy and peaceful mornings!